Swords and Things
by Withering
Summary: [One-shot] Kagome overhears Inuyasha and Sango having an... interesting conversation. Innuendos and naughtiness abound.


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **This is not my fault. It's my dirty mind and all of this sword talk, that's what. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

**SWORDS AND THINGS**

* * *

"Inuyasha! Can't you just entertain her for a few minutes?"

"Keh! No way! I'm not talking to that bitch!"

Kagome rolled her eyes. It had been only a day since Sango had found out about Naraku's treachery, and she was still resting. Kagome had been sure to keep the girl constant company, but seeing as she'd just ran out of medicine, she needed Inuyasha to. Mainly because Shippou was still asleep and she didn't trust Miroku alone with a helpless girl for a second. Inuyasha was her only other option.

But did he have to be such a _jerk _about it?

"Please, Inuyasha!" she begged. "I just have to run home to get more medicine! It will take me a half-hour, I promise! I have Kirara to take me!"

He scowled. "Why can't the monk do it?"

"Because he'll do something perverted," she pointed out. "I can trust you with this."

Apparently the words had their desired affect, since he gave in with a slight pout. "Fine," he grumbled. "But not a second late, okay?"

She nodded and smiled. "Okay, I promise."

* * *

Kagome arrived back ten minutes earlier than she had promised, impressed with her speed. Inuyasha would definitely be happy about that, and Sango would too, she was sure. Those two didn't get along very well.

When she reached the cabin where Sango was resting, she paused when she heard voices. They didn't sound angry either, and Kagome smiled. So the two of them _were _getting along!

"So, you wanna see it?" came Inuyasha's voice, sounding excited, like a little boy who had just bought a new bike and wanted to show it off.

_See what? _Kagome wondered, puzzled.

"Sure," came Sango's reply.

There was a moment of fumbling, and then Inuyasha's voice again. "There."

"It's a bit small, wouldn't you say? And shabby, too. You obviously don't take very good care of it." Sango's voice was disapproving.

"Of course I take care of it!" Inuyasha defended. "It's just like this now because I'm not using it! When I do use it, it gets a lot bigger."

Something heavy weighed down her stomach, like lead. Kagome had a feeling she knew what Inuyasha was talking about…

"Well, let me see it, then," Sango suggested. "Make it bigger."

Inuyasha sighed in annoyance. "Fine." A pause. "Happy now?"

"Wow…" Sango breathed, sounding impressed. "It's huge! It didn't look this big when I saw it earlier!"

When she saw it earlier? Sango had seen _it _before?

"Yeah, it looks a lot better up close," Inuyasha said smugly. "I keep it in really good shape. I polish it every day."

"I would think," Sango said. "Look how shiny it is! Can I touch it?"

"If you can handle it," Inuyasha put in arrogantly.

Sango snorted. "I think I can. I've dealt with these before. Maybe not as big as yours, but I know what I'm doing."

Kagome gasped. She'd never thought Sango would be that type of girl. What had happened in those twenty minutes that she had been gone?

"It's really hard," Sango commented. "I'll bet it works well."

"_Really _well."

"How did you get one so nice?" she asked.

"Inherited it from my father," he replied nonchalantly, though a little bit of pride could be heard in his voice. It would have been cute if it wasn't for what it was they were discussing.

"Oh."

"Yeah… I thought it was pretty worthless at first, but Myouga helped me figure out how to use it. Kagome too."

Kagome blushed red. She hadn't helped him use it! She'd never even seen it before, nor did she have any particular desire to. He must have been lying. And why would Myouga help Inuyasha with… with that? Was something bigger going on here?

She was learning a new side to Inuyasha. One she didn't like at all.

"You should really see it in action," Inuyasha put in enthusiastically. "It's awesome. Sometimes, it pulses to tell me when to use it."

_Ew_…_ ew, ew, ew, ew_…

"Did you name it?" Sango asked.

Name it? _Name _it?

_Oh my God! _Kagome thought, ready to choke. _This is disgusting!_

"Keh! Of course it has a name! It's—"

"Kagome-sama!"

Kagome turned to see Miroku coming towards her. "Miroku-sama!" she whispered. "Inuyasha named his… his thing!"

Miroku's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Just listen!" she mouthed. She turned her attention back to the conversation, but she realized that she had missed what it was that Inuyasha had named his… well, let's just say _it_.

"Nice name," Sango put in. "Very fitting."

"It was actually Sesshoumaru who first told me the name. My father came up with it."

Miroku gagged slightly, looking horrified.

"Who's Sesshoumaru?" Sango asked.

"My older brother. He's all pissed because his isn't nearly as big as mine. It doesn't even work for him most of the time."

Okay, that was _it. _Kagome couldn't take any more! "I'm going in," she resolved to Miroku. "It's the only way to stop this madness."

He nodded, though his face was pale. "I'm coming too, Kagome-sama."

Taking a deep breath, Kagome slid through the shouji screen, ready to confront Inuyasha and Sango. She closed her eyes to steady herself for the horror that was sure to be in front of her, and then opened them.

"Hey, Kagome-chan," Sango greeted. She was seated next to Inuyasha, who was holding out the transformed Tessaiga. "Inuyasha was just showing me his sword."

"His sword?" Miroku repeated slowly. "You guys were talking about the Tessaiga the entire time?"

Inuyasha looked confused. "What else would we be talking about?"

Miroku and Kagome exchanged glances. "Nothing… nothing at all…"

* * *

Oh, god, I feel so dirty. I can't believe I actually wrote that. Ick. I need to go take a nice cold, shower now…

Anyway, please review! After all, I'm stooping to a very crude level to post this.


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